is there a way for apple to unlock a phone of a recently deceased spouse?

Use the Apple Article please --> How to request access to a deceased family member's Apple accounts - Apple Support

If you mean can they bypass the Lock Screen passcode to get access to the data on the phone, no. They can't.

See the article above for information on getting access to their Apple ID. You can then reset the phone and configure it for use using your ID.

Sorry about your loss. I think it's best you contact Apple Support directly to discuss this matter. Contact Apple for support and service