can't change music sync settings in iTunes

when I import songs to iTunes on my mac and delete or add playlists on my mac they do not sync to my iPhone.: the songs are not there and the old playlists haven't changed. To check my sync settings I click on the phone icon in iTunes and on "music," but instead of a menu that lets me choose what to sync as I I'm told to expect (see first image) I simply get "iCloud music library is turned on" (even though I unchecked that in preferences). What am I doing wrong? How the image I get simply says: "iCloud Music Library is turned on." (even though I unchecked that box in preferences). What am I doing wrong? How do I get the phone and mac to show the same playlists and the same music? My mac is using Mojave 10.14.6 and my phone (a 6S) is using iOS13.5.1