how can I get into my phone after its been disabled so many times?

The phone will be wiped in the process

Disabled phone

If you forgot the passcode on your iPhone, or your iPhone is disabled

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How to restore your iPhone if you forgot your passcode - Apple Support

When you or someone like your kid enters the wrong iPhone passcode upto five times, nothing happens.

On the 6th incorrect try, the iPhone is disabled for 1 minute.

On 7th: 5 minutes

On 8th: 15 minutes

On 9th: 60 minutes

On 10th incorrect passcode: The iPhone is disabled! (or wholly wiped off if you had enabled the 'Erase Data' option from the Settings app → Face ID & Passcode)

The easiest way to get inside a disabled iPhone is to erase it via iCloud.com (on Mac or PC). You can also use the Find My app on your other Apple device (iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, Mac).

After erasing, set up your iPhone as new or restore a previous backup using a computer or iCloud.

Alternatively,

You may also put your disabled iPhone in Recovery mode or DFU mode and then restore it. After this process completes, set up the device as new or restore a previous computer or iCloud backup.

Assuming that you have either backed up or have nothing you want to keep on the device that’s not stored anywhere else, a factory reset via iTunes is the best idea. Download iTunes on your PC, set your phone to recovery mode (I forgot how to, so you’ll need to look it up), plug the phone into your PC, open iTunes, and perform the factory reset. Beware, this will remove ALL the data stored on the phone and reinstall the OS. So it’ll take some time