2017 MacBook Air fans acting irregularly and become VERY loud at random.

Howdy!

My problem is both very complicated and very simple.

At random, my laptop's fan will oscillate violently from not running at all, to running at 7000-8000RPM, and then go back to acting regularly. It literally sounds like a drill. Here's a video to prove it. https://youtube.com/watch?v=2wC9UIMBlLA

I've already checked Activity Monitor when it's having these moments, there's nothing taking up huge amounts of CPU. The laptop isn't overheating, either. I've experienced this happening when it's at 95ºF.

Sometimes the fan will 'bark' at me, wherein it'll suddenly rev its little fan engine and then immediately stop about 3-4 times.

This has been happening for about 4 days. I only use my laptop on a table, so it has ventilation and isn't collecting dust from blankets.

Why is my laptop barking at me?!